Wish I knew...

I needed to go to sleep a while ago. 7am will come earlier than I would like, as it always does. I've been trying to be positive all night, but it's just not working. I want to be strong enough to take everything in stride, to keep pressing on, despite life's troubles. I feel more like falling, I feel like I've been wounded, as if I have arrows that have pierced me deep, and every step brings me closer to my doom. I feel kind of like Boromir in The Fellowship of the Rings, a good man, overcome by the ring, not necessarily in a lust for power (he wanted to take it back to his father), but overcome just the same, and then, only too late, realize what I have done. Unlike Boromir, I hope I rise once more when I fall. Giving up is not in my nature, throwing in the towel will not be my way. Some may call this stubbornness, others foolishness, cut your losses. I guess I see it more as a Captain would, I will go down with what I believe to be the right thing to do, or be uplifted by it when it succeeds. Either way, I will not be labelled as a hypocrite; no man will accuse me of giving up too early; I won't have to ask myself "What if I had only..." I'll the answer to that...for good or ill.

In the meantime, I'm down on one knee, panting, looking for something inside me I'm not sure I have, trying to fight beyond the pain, so I can stand again, fighting to the last...

Another boring day...

Well, this was basically another boring weekend, as I didn't leave the house at all. Kind of boring (ok, really boring), but it's cheap...heh ;) Didn't do much at all today, aside from eating, lounging and talking with a couple of, dare I say, cool and interesting people (like I associate with any other kind...heh): Dolly and Sam (briefly, as he's back to base).

Confused...

I'm feeling a bit confused as I type this. The reasons and particulars behind it aren't something I want to mention here, but suffice to say, I grow weary of being taken for granted by the ones I give my all for. It's a disheartening feeling...

It's like they think I'm made of stone and steel, strong enough to withstand anything. I wish that was the case, then I wouldn't be feeling confused, I wouldn't flinch, I wouldn't hurt.

Even if all this is based in misunderstanding, or circumstances I'm unaware of, the pattern is there. I don't know how much more I can realistically take, without either breaking, or lashing out.

Again, life is hard.

I wish I was a stone.

I'm a nerd/geek...

Modern, Cool Nerd
65 % Nerd, 86% Geek, 30% Dork
For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!

OK...now you go take it.

Nerd, Geek or Dork Test

Not so well...

I haven't posted much lately. I guess I've been pretty lethargic about most things, including this. Exhaustion almost. Just keep trudging along the rocky path, hoping that I'll come across some place I find familiar, or at least gives me some kind of direction, but nope...I feel just as lost as ever. I keep looking for a point, but I just keep feeling downtrodden and confused. My eye hurts...

Test...

Just getting the show on the road...