I needed to go to sleep a while ago. 7am will come earlier than I would like, as it always does. I've been trying to be positive all night, but it's just not working. I want to be strong enough to take everything in stride, to keep pressing on, despite life's troubles. I feel more like falling, I feel like I've been wounded, as if I have arrows that have pierced me deep, and every step brings me closer to my doom. I feel kind of like Boromir in The Fellowship of the Rings, a good man, overcome by the ring, not necessarily in a lust for power (he wanted to take it back to his father), but overcome just the same, and then, only too late, realize what I have done. Unlike Boromir, I hope I rise once more when I fall. Giving up is not in my nature, throwing in the towel will not be my way. Some may call this stubbornness, others foolishness, cut your losses. I guess I see it more as a Captain would, I will go down with what I believe to be the right thing to do, or be uplifted by it when it succeeds. Either way, I will not be labelled as a hypocrite; no man will accuse me of giving up too early; I won't have to ask myself "What if I had only..." I'll the answer to that...for good or ill.
In the meantime, I'm down on one knee, panting, looking for something inside me I'm not sure I have, trying to fight beyond the pain, so I can stand again, fighting to the last...
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