Wearing down...

Tired.

So tired...

Not sure what's going on with me, but I haven't slept well at all lately, even by my standards. I had been doing a little better, but with all the crap stressing me out at work, not to mention all of the other things my mind tends to overflow with, getting to the point where I'm ready to relax has been just short of impossible lately.

One thing that sucks is that it doesn't look like I'll be able to take a proper vacation this year at all. Between the lack of money, a car that barely runs (see lack of money) and incompatible schedules (sure don't feel like going anywhere alone), I've all but scrapped plans to try to get down to the beach. It's not going to happen. The problem is that I currently have 130 hours of PLT time (vacation, personal leave, call it what you will) and I can only carry 40 of those over past the end of September. Any unused hours past that amount get thrown into the lawyer-inspired 'Emergency Family Leave,' which you can only ever use if you or an immediate family member are ill or dead, and then only after your PLT time is completely depleted. Somewhere in hell I'm sure there's a lawyer being eternally tormented for coming up with that way of stealing time from the overworked.

I'm taking next week off, just to lay around at home, but that doesn't sound like it will give me much needed release, mentally or physically. At best at least I'll catch up on some sleep. I wish I was going somewhere, spending time with certain people, etc. but that's just possible right now. What I really wish is that I'd get some time to disconnect and decompress from the day to day, home included, because right now, I'm tired of being either angry or numb. All I can really do is plan for next year at this point though. Hopefully a little bit of foresight will prevent a repeat.